Playdates......Arab-style

Buckle your seats for this one folks; I'm about to describe the playdate that we had this afternoon. yeah yeah, maybe you think there isn't much to the average playdate, but I'm still trying to process our afternoon visit to a school friend of Layla's.

I wrote about this family the other day when I mentioned the gal who got married after finishing 6th grade....she's the aunt of a little girl named "Betty" in layla's class. Layla actually asked to visit her school friend "Betty" as we were leaving the school this morning and lo and behold, we ran in to Betty's mom on the way out of the school and arranged things for this afternoon. Layla and Ryan slept a full hour longer than normal so we were later than I wanted to be.....i.e. I knew the kids would be getting hungry and tired after about an hour....just when things would be warming up!

Betty's house has a very traditional arrangement. These ladies are married to three brothers who joined their homes together by knocking down the big privacy walls that normally section the houses off from one another. Living in these homes is the mother of the three brothers (one of whom is Betty's mom) and the child bride who is now 21 and trying to get a divorce. This afternoon there is another neighbor lady and her mother and two boys visiting. They are all sitting in the shade outside on a piece of blue linoleum that you buy off the roll. Not even a carpet or grass mat, but they still took all their shoes off!

It feels like there are about 10 kids under the age of 5 but there are probably only 5 kids in all reality. They were all over the place. We sat and had tea and biscuits and pretty soon Layla felt comfortable enough to walk away from the huddle of ladies and try to ride one of the four bikes sitting around. As soon as she did, one of the neighbor boys squealed angrily and sat down directly in front of her holding the wheel in between his legs. Layla was confused and then irritated. I wasn't sure what to do. She tried to get off and drag the bike away but the kid just kept hanging on and pulling it away from her.

The child bride gal (MUST get her name!) said "Oh, those boys are so bad. Tell her to just leave them alone!" Fat chance of that happening. Layla does not do well at walking away from a slight injustice or wrongdoing. Eventually it escalated and one of the boys bit her on the arm. She was horrified and ran over to where I was sitting. I told her that she needed to ignore the boys and not play with their bikes. After about 2 minutes she was back in the fray. The child-bride gal told me that if she was going to play with the boys she needed to hit them and yell at them and make them afraid. Yeah. Not your typical playdate rules.

I could see things getting worse again and I'm trying to think fast in my head "How much do I let Layla work this out on her own? What am I expected to do as a mom in this situation? As a foreign mom? Layla out-weighs these boys for sure but she is dainty and not used to being tough. Should I jump in there and defend her and hit the kids myself? Is this going to make Layla hate coming here? Hate playing with local kids? Am I letting this go too far? Not far enough?" etc etc etc. All while drinking tea and trying to speak Arabic.

Eventually I can see one of the kids about to chomp on her arm again so I jumped up and grabbed his bike and pulled him close. I got right in his face and slapped his arm and told him no. His mother told the child-bride gal who was interpreting "That's it! She needs to make them afraid. Tell her to hit him! See, he's afraid of her now! Thats the way!" Good grief. I feel like I've already crossed a million spoken AND unspoken lines for playdates and I have no idea what to do and his mom is cheering me on.

So this is how the afternoon proceeded. I kept one eye and ear on the ladies and our tea and their crocheting (another post!) and one eye on Layla and Ryan and the wicked neighbor boys. Part way through the afternoon the child-bride gal says "you know, these boys are so bad, so bad. Their father was in a car accident and he is paralyzed from the neck down. These boys are crazy and they make her life a living hell" If a girl who got married at 13 is telling you that another lady's life is a living hell, you'd not take that lightly.

Three or four times I could see another biting/hitting incident happening so I'd crouch down behind either of the boys and sort of hug them and hold them while sort of kissing them and talking sweet to them. I was thinking to myself "this is my second visit to this house and I am basically restraining the neighbor kids....what DO they think of me?" I'd pray at the same time and try and be light-hearted about the whole thing like I was totally used to this wild behaviour.

I was proud of Layla in the end. She didn't wimp out and just sit next to me though she did cry a few times and come running. I kept telling her that if she was going to play with the boys she needed to be strong and be willing to put up with them. That it was better for her to just ignore them and play with Betty (who is afraid of the boys and leaves them alone). It was not to be. In the end she was hitting back and screaming LA LA LA! at them and taking them down if they got near Ryan. Ryan has a pretty fierce scream but of course he is much smaller so they hit him a bit and ran into him and such but the other moms were very protective of him.

In the end I think there was some mutual respect established.....she was able to play around with one of the boys and have some fun. As we left, their mom came up to me and sincerely apologized which isn't really done in this culture. I tried to reassure her in my best Arabic that I understood and they are "just boys". man on man.

I am still trying to sort out how to talk about this with Layla. It is a well known fact out here that the boys are totally undisciplined. A friend who taught here has actually seen elementary school boys walk on desks and computers with the teacher in the room and who is not responding at all. It is inconceivable to us and I don't know how you help kids grow up in this world and know what sort of kids you can and should hit back and what kids you are supposed to be a "Christian" and "turn the other cheek" with.

I am open to all and any advice!!!