So after the post on the crazy play date, I just wanted to assure everyone that yes, we do have normal play dates that don't include biting and restraining the children at the house we are visiting. And yes, Layla continues to ask to visit people. Almost EVERY day she wants to go and "be a guest". She doesn't want to be "the hostess" because then she has to share her toys and there is no fun food to eat (= Ah...we are selfish to the core.
So she really wants to visit "Salaam alaikum people" and mostly because they have the best food. At least most of the time...and also because they are constantly giving things to kids if they show the slightest interest in something. "Here! Take it! keep it...no look! She really wants i!" They are referring to this awful plastic noisy thing that is already half broken. Layla is merely fascinated with it since it is a new thing. But as we leave it is firmly tucked in Layla's little hands. sigh.
The one exception to the "abundance of food" thing is at the house we visit the most which is Betty's house, Layla's school friend. I've taken to bringing food for the kids since of course they are always starving between nap time and bedtime (= And there is NOTHING that is offered until about 7pm when they start to cook (read: Fry) something. This is how it goes every time:
we saunter in say hello to everyone sitting around in the covered outside area. it is 90 degrees these days which feels so cool and that time of day has wonderful breezes. Eventually there is maybe water brought out after Layla walks up and says "I want water!" Ugh. Bad manners here. Then I start to bring out my stack of snacks for Ryan who is crawling all over me and wanting my attention etc. He will grab my cheeks and pull my face to his face these days. Lovely feeling.
We'll get some tea at some point after Layla asks for tea (!) in a cup for herself. Again, bad bad manners.
Then about 7pm, my friend steps into the kitchen door which is propped open right next to where we are sitting on the linoleum "mat" outside. She has a big heavy iron gas burner that is connected with a thick orange pipe to a gas cylinder. She puts the burner on a brick. She lights it up and it has a HUGE flame. This is right next to the kitchen door where the kids go in and out all the time. She squats on the floor and slowly produces three batches of fried food. Most stuff is eaten as soon as it is cooked by some kid passing by the doorway. Ryan and Layla are fascinated by the whole "stove on the floor" thing and are freaking me out by creeping closer and closer to watch.
This scenario happens each time I visit. There is no maid who does anything. These gals cook for this big family with more members than I can keep track of. They are Belushi and not actually from here though they've lived here a long long time. The differences from an Arab house are pretty remarkable. I'm curious about why they don't do the standard fruit, coffee and dates that I've had in EVERY home here for the last 5 years.
Either way, I'm grateful that Layla is so interested in visiting. I know her desire to speak Arabic is directly connected to her watching me relate to friends in Arabic. She is such a sponge at this age. It is SO frightening to see her mimic me. Iyiyiy.
Waiting for Water - Our life in the desert
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
dirty dirty dirty
Now that the weather is getting MUCH nicer (a cool and refreshing 90 degrees) the kids are outside all the time. After naps we wake up slooooowly by watching a little video for 20-30 mins and then we take the rabbits outside and play around. If we are going to visit someone (which Layla asks for every day almost!) we chase the rabbits back in their cage after 20 mins or so and take off to go visiting.
Everyone is sitting outside these days since we are soaking up the wonderful breezes but we are all still getting sweaty and the kids are oh.so.dirty.
Every night I have to clean the tub out after they've finished because there is a layer of sand on the bottom of the tub. And that is AFTER the water has all drained out and floated out a sizable layer of sand already. Layla likes to wear shoes, but I can't find good shoes to stay on Ryan's feet (ARGH! WHY must everything be either ridiculously low quality or designer prices from Pairs?!). So anyway. Ryan goes barefoot on everything as I cringe on the inside thinking that his little feet MUST be hurting him...surely...
Guess not or he'd come looking for shoes.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Upcoming posts....
oops. Did I post and empty post?
Things I need to blog about:
GREAT play dates (=
Layla peeing on my shoes
Layla learning how to speak Arabic and how to speak Arabic with an Indian accent like her teacher. Hmmm.
Ryan's show of defiance
must run....
Things I need to blog about:
GREAT play dates (=
Layla peeing on my shoes
Layla learning how to speak Arabic and how to speak Arabic with an Indian accent like her teacher. Hmmm.
Ryan's show of defiance
must run....
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Another victory
I realize that this is very mundane to some of you, but again, a small hair-victory with Layla! She now wants ponytails. I've NEVER and I am not exaggerating here, NEVER been able to put pony tails in her hair. Oh, the wonders of school. She sees all these beautiful local girls with masses of hair all done up this way or that. It is so lovely to be able to put her hair up (=
She is really enjoying school but is on the verge of tears by the time we get home. I think she is just so wiped out she gets super fragile at the least provocation. Today her teacher told me that early in the morning Layla ran through the litany of the school schedule (first we'll do this and then we'll do this....etc) and then we'll go HOME! The teacher asked if she wanted to go home because she didn't like school. Oh no, says layla. I don't want to leave my beautiful school!! aaahh (=
Ryan is doing great as well these days. I am REALLY enjoying my quiet mornings with him. I had no idea how wonderful it would be to have him alone all morning (= Of course, the two hour nap he takes every morning is pretty handy! He is a very very busy little boy who likes to walk up to everything he can't touch and shake his little finger and say Nooooo datch. He doesn't actually say too muc these days (= He is fairly self-entertaining but loves to be tickled and teased and is very playful. He LOVES to take baths and to chase the rabbits. He has finally stopped screaming in joy the entire time the rabbits run around the yard. We are grateful for that! He takes naps with no arguement as long as he has his pacifier (= He and Layla have both been sleeping through the night for months now which is a huge boost to my energy!
I feel like we are slowly getting into a better life pattern. This is the first time since language school that we've had an externally imposed schedule and we are L.O.V.I.N.G. it. Tom has his external office set up with internet and coffee pot so he is good to go (= What a blessing to be moving into a more normal life pattern. We are seeing the stress of the last several years in our internal "rear-view mirrors", finally (=
Well, I need to go pound some chicken breasts for dinner (= Love to pound hard on those granite counter tops!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Playdates......Arab-style
Buckle your seats for this one folks; I'm about to describe the playdate that we had this afternoon. yeah yeah, maybe you think there isn't much to the average playdate, but I'm still trying to process our afternoon visit to a school friend of Layla's.
I wrote about this family the other day when I mentioned the gal who got married after finishing 6th grade....she's the aunt of a little girl named "Betty" in layla's class. Layla actually asked to visit her school friend "Betty" as we were leaving the school this morning and lo and behold, we ran in to Betty's mom on the way out of the school and arranged things for this afternoon. Layla and Ryan slept a full hour longer than normal so we were later than I wanted to be.....i.e. I knew the kids would be getting hungry and tired after about an hour....just when things would be warming up!
Betty's house has a very traditional arrangement. These ladies are married to three brothers who joined their homes together by knocking down the big privacy walls that normally section the houses off from one another. Living in these homes is the mother of the three brothers (one of whom is Betty's mom) and the child bride who is now 21 and trying to get a divorce. This afternoon there is another neighbor lady and her mother and two boys visiting. They are all sitting in the shade outside on a piece of blue linoleum that you buy off the roll. Not even a carpet or grass mat, but they still took all their shoes off!
It feels like there are about 10 kids under the age of 5 but there are probably only 5 kids in all reality. They were all over the place. We sat and had tea and biscuits and pretty soon Layla felt comfortable enough to walk away from the huddle of ladies and try to ride one of the four bikes sitting around. As soon as she did, one of the neighbor boys squealed angrily and sat down directly in front of her holding the wheel in between his legs. Layla was confused and then irritated. I wasn't sure what to do. She tried to get off and drag the bike away but the kid just kept hanging on and pulling it away from her.
The child bride gal (MUST get her name!) said "Oh, those boys are so bad. Tell her to just leave them alone!" Fat chance of that happening. Layla does not do well at walking away from a slight injustice or wrongdoing. Eventually it escalated and one of the boys bit her on the arm. She was horrified and ran over to where I was sitting. I told her that she needed to ignore the boys and not play with their bikes. After about 2 minutes she was back in the fray. The child-bride gal told me that if she was going to play with the boys she needed to hit them and yell at them and make them afraid. Yeah. Not your typical playdate rules.
I could see things getting worse again and I'm trying to think fast in my head "How much do I let Layla work this out on her own? What am I expected to do as a mom in this situation? As a foreign mom? Layla out-weighs these boys for sure but she is dainty and not used to being tough. Should I jump in there and defend her and hit the kids myself? Is this going to make Layla hate coming here? Hate playing with local kids? Am I letting this go too far? Not far enough?" etc etc etc. All while drinking tea and trying to speak Arabic.
Eventually I can see one of the kids about to chomp on her arm again so I jumped up and grabbed his bike and pulled him close. I got right in his face and slapped his arm and told him no. His mother told the child-bride gal who was interpreting "That's it! She needs to make them afraid. Tell her to hit him! See, he's afraid of her now! Thats the way!" Good grief. I feel like I've already crossed a million spoken AND unspoken lines for playdates and I have no idea what to do and his mom is cheering me on.
So this is how the afternoon proceeded. I kept one eye and ear on the ladies and our tea and their crocheting (another post!) and one eye on Layla and Ryan and the wicked neighbor boys. Part way through the afternoon the child-bride gal says "you know, these boys are so bad, so bad. Their father was in a car accident and he is paralyzed from the neck down. These boys are crazy and they make her life a living hell" If a girl who got married at 13 is telling you that another lady's life is a living hell, you'd not take that lightly.
Three or four times I could see another biting/hitting incident happening so I'd crouch down behind either of the boys and sort of hug them and hold them while sort of kissing them and talking sweet to them. I was thinking to myself "this is my second visit to this house and I am basically restraining the neighbor kids....what DO they think of me?" I'd pray at the same time and try and be light-hearted about the whole thing like I was totally used to this wild behaviour.
I was proud of Layla in the end. She didn't wimp out and just sit next to me though she did cry a few times and come running. I kept telling her that if she was going to play with the boys she needed to be strong and be willing to put up with them. That it was better for her to just ignore them and play with Betty (who is afraid of the boys and leaves them alone). It was not to be. In the end she was hitting back and screaming LA LA LA! at them and taking them down if they got near Ryan. Ryan has a pretty fierce scream but of course he is much smaller so they hit him a bit and ran into him and such but the other moms were very protective of him.
In the end I think there was some mutual respect established.....she was able to play around with one of the boys and have some fun. As we left, their mom came up to me and sincerely apologized which isn't really done in this culture. I tried to reassure her in my best Arabic that I understood and they are "just boys". man on man.
I am still trying to sort out how to talk about this with Layla. It is a well known fact out here that the boys are totally undisciplined. A friend who taught here has actually seen elementary school boys walk on desks and computers with the teacher in the room and who is not responding at all. It is inconceivable to us and I don't know how you help kids grow up in this world and know what sort of kids you can and should hit back and what kids you are supposed to be a "Christian" and "turn the other cheek" with.
I am open to all and any advice!!!
I wrote about this family the other day when I mentioned the gal who got married after finishing 6th grade....she's the aunt of a little girl named "Betty" in layla's class. Layla actually asked to visit her school friend "Betty" as we were leaving the school this morning and lo and behold, we ran in to Betty's mom on the way out of the school and arranged things for this afternoon. Layla and Ryan slept a full hour longer than normal so we were later than I wanted to be.....i.e. I knew the kids would be getting hungry and tired after about an hour....just when things would be warming up!
Betty's house has a very traditional arrangement. These ladies are married to three brothers who joined their homes together by knocking down the big privacy walls that normally section the houses off from one another. Living in these homes is the mother of the three brothers (one of whom is Betty's mom) and the child bride who is now 21 and trying to get a divorce. This afternoon there is another neighbor lady and her mother and two boys visiting. They are all sitting in the shade outside on a piece of blue linoleum that you buy off the roll. Not even a carpet or grass mat, but they still took all their shoes off!
It feels like there are about 10 kids under the age of 5 but there are probably only 5 kids in all reality. They were all over the place. We sat and had tea and biscuits and pretty soon Layla felt comfortable enough to walk away from the huddle of ladies and try to ride one of the four bikes sitting around. As soon as she did, one of the neighbor boys squealed angrily and sat down directly in front of her holding the wheel in between his legs. Layla was confused and then irritated. I wasn't sure what to do. She tried to get off and drag the bike away but the kid just kept hanging on and pulling it away from her.
The child bride gal (MUST get her name!) said "Oh, those boys are so bad. Tell her to just leave them alone!" Fat chance of that happening. Layla does not do well at walking away from a slight injustice or wrongdoing. Eventually it escalated and one of the boys bit her on the arm. She was horrified and ran over to where I was sitting. I told her that she needed to ignore the boys and not play with their bikes. After about 2 minutes she was back in the fray. The child-bride gal told me that if she was going to play with the boys she needed to hit them and yell at them and make them afraid. Yeah. Not your typical playdate rules.
I could see things getting worse again and I'm trying to think fast in my head "How much do I let Layla work this out on her own? What am I expected to do as a mom in this situation? As a foreign mom? Layla out-weighs these boys for sure but she is dainty and not used to being tough. Should I jump in there and defend her and hit the kids myself? Is this going to make Layla hate coming here? Hate playing with local kids? Am I letting this go too far? Not far enough?" etc etc etc. All while drinking tea and trying to speak Arabic.
Eventually I can see one of the kids about to chomp on her arm again so I jumped up and grabbed his bike and pulled him close. I got right in his face and slapped his arm and told him no. His mother told the child-bride gal who was interpreting "That's it! She needs to make them afraid. Tell her to hit him! See, he's afraid of her now! Thats the way!" Good grief. I feel like I've already crossed a million spoken AND unspoken lines for playdates and I have no idea what to do and his mom is cheering me on.
So this is how the afternoon proceeded. I kept one eye and ear on the ladies and our tea and their crocheting (another post!) and one eye on Layla and Ryan and the wicked neighbor boys. Part way through the afternoon the child-bride gal says "you know, these boys are so bad, so bad. Their father was in a car accident and he is paralyzed from the neck down. These boys are crazy and they make her life a living hell" If a girl who got married at 13 is telling you that another lady's life is a living hell, you'd not take that lightly.
Three or four times I could see another biting/hitting incident happening so I'd crouch down behind either of the boys and sort of hug them and hold them while sort of kissing them and talking sweet to them. I was thinking to myself "this is my second visit to this house and I am basically restraining the neighbor kids....what DO they think of me?" I'd pray at the same time and try and be light-hearted about the whole thing like I was totally used to this wild behaviour.
I was proud of Layla in the end. She didn't wimp out and just sit next to me though she did cry a few times and come running. I kept telling her that if she was going to play with the boys she needed to be strong and be willing to put up with them. That it was better for her to just ignore them and play with Betty (who is afraid of the boys and leaves them alone). It was not to be. In the end she was hitting back and screaming LA LA LA! at them and taking them down if they got near Ryan. Ryan has a pretty fierce scream but of course he is much smaller so they hit him a bit and ran into him and such but the other moms were very protective of him.
In the end I think there was some mutual respect established.....she was able to play around with one of the boys and have some fun. As we left, their mom came up to me and sincerely apologized which isn't really done in this culture. I tried to reassure her in my best Arabic that I understood and they are "just boys". man on man.
I am still trying to sort out how to talk about this with Layla. It is a well known fact out here that the boys are totally undisciplined. A friend who taught here has actually seen elementary school boys walk on desks and computers with the teacher in the room and who is not responding at all. It is inconceivable to us and I don't know how you help kids grow up in this world and know what sort of kids you can and should hit back and what kids you are supposed to be a "Christian" and "turn the other cheek" with.
I am open to all and any advice!!!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Princess Posing to the Max
For those devotees of Layla....sorry this is shaky and a bit long. But if you want to see her realize she is being photographed and kick into princess gear, this is the video for you! She even includes a dramatic ending which looks painful but somehow still looks posed....
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Living in National Geographic
We have a subscription to National Geographic (thank you, Tina!) and due to crazy postal issues we get them in clumps a few times a year. We recently got a stack and I was flipping through one article late last night. It was about child brides mostly in India/Pakistan and in Yemen. I know this happens out here, but it isn't something folks advertise.
The very next day I was SUPER excited to have been invited over to the house of a classmate of Layla's to eat lunch. Normally Layla comes home from school very happy but totally wiped out and doesn't even eat lunch until after her nap. i was hoping she'd have enough emotional stamina to make it through lunch at a new person's house. I have been waiting and praying for a chance to connect with some of the families in Layla's class so that she can develop some friendships with local girls her age.
There are about 5 women in the house who were eating lunch with us and one of them was telling me that she she spoke English with an Ameircan accent because of the school she attended. She stopped in 6th grade because she got MARRIED. I wasn't sure I heard her correctly. Immediately I thought, "what I am supposed to do? look casual? look shocked? sad? interested?" I mean really. What are you supposed to do? If you act horrified, surely it would make her feel worse?
She said she had been promised to this man for a long time. I wasn't sure how old he was....I was full of questions but trying to figure out how I was supposed to react. Anyway, she said at the age of 13 she was married to this guy and packed off to Pakistan to go be a wife. I asked if she was scared and she said that she was and that she had a bad life with him and he did not treat her well. I can only imagine what was represented in those few lines encapsulating the last 8 years of her life.
She is back home now and trying to finalize the divorce. He is may not grant her the divorce...we'll see what happens next week when I have lunch with them. She was actually going to the courthouse today.
I know other gals who got married at around 16 years of age but that isn't that far from parts of the US a generation or two ago. 13 years old....that is another story. A story in National Geographic apparently. Crazy to realize it is happening just about 6 houses down from ours.
The very next day I was SUPER excited to have been invited over to the house of a classmate of Layla's to eat lunch. Normally Layla comes home from school very happy but totally wiped out and doesn't even eat lunch until after her nap. i was hoping she'd have enough emotional stamina to make it through lunch at a new person's house. I have been waiting and praying for a chance to connect with some of the families in Layla's class so that she can develop some friendships with local girls her age.
There are about 5 women in the house who were eating lunch with us and one of them was telling me that she she spoke English with an Ameircan accent because of the school she attended. She stopped in 6th grade because she got MARRIED. I wasn't sure I heard her correctly. Immediately I thought, "what I am supposed to do? look casual? look shocked? sad? interested?" I mean really. What are you supposed to do? If you act horrified, surely it would make her feel worse?
She said she had been promised to this man for a long time. I wasn't sure how old he was....I was full of questions but trying to figure out how I was supposed to react. Anyway, she said at the age of 13 she was married to this guy and packed off to Pakistan to go be a wife. I asked if she was scared and she said that she was and that she had a bad life with him and he did not treat her well. I can only imagine what was represented in those few lines encapsulating the last 8 years of her life.
She is back home now and trying to finalize the divorce. He is may not grant her the divorce...we'll see what happens next week when I have lunch with them. She was actually going to the courthouse today.
I know other gals who got married at around 16 years of age but that isn't that far from parts of the US a generation or two ago. 13 years old....that is another story. A story in National Geographic apparently. Crazy to realize it is happening just about 6 houses down from ours.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
2 Major Battles
While this may look like a boring picture of a normal event, it symbolizes 2 MAJOR battles that have been long fought and now won. First and longest battle has been the hair. Because Lj's hair grew sooooo slowly, she didn't even really have enough hair to do anything with until she had a well-formed will. She's NEVER wanted anything in it until the last 4-6 months when I've been able to convince her to wear a hairband.
The wonderful influence of adults who are NOT your mama are clearly in play here as her teacher one day offered to braid her hair. Well well well. Little miss Lj now wants her hair in braids everyday (= I'm loving it!
The second major battle is the uniform pants. She was DESPERATE to wear a skirt but they don't do skirts in the uniform until they are in 1st grade. She was Soooooo distraught and one day I found out why. "but MAMA! Princesses don't wear pants!!! waaaaaaawaaaaawaaaawaa". I said that I was SURE that princess wore pants to school. "But mama! I can't be beautiful! I can't wear jewelry with pants!" "Really Layla? Your teacher is beautiful and wear jewelry and she wears pants. Besides, with the princesses you only see them posing for pictures and not at school." How she has sucked up every stereotype about Disney princesses is amazing given the culture we live in. The images are there for sure, but not NEARLY like in the US.
SO anyway. Once we got to school that same day, her teacher said the exact same thing that I did...and with no prompting. "Oh Layla, I am sure that princeses wear pants to school!" (; bless her. She has been teaching for 10 years, mostly in Jed.dah, Sa.udi Ara.bi.a. She is from India and just as sweet and gentle as can be (=
The wonderful influence of adults who are NOT your mama are clearly in play here as her teacher one day offered to braid her hair. Well well well. Little miss Lj now wants her hair in braids everyday (= I'm loving it!
The second major battle is the uniform pants. She was DESPERATE to wear a skirt but they don't do skirts in the uniform until they are in 1st grade. She was Soooooo distraught and one day I found out why. "but MAMA! Princesses don't wear pants!!! waaaaaaawaaaaawaaaawaa". I said that I was SURE that princess wore pants to school. "But mama! I can't be beautiful! I can't wear jewelry with pants!" "Really Layla? Your teacher is beautiful and wear jewelry and she wears pants. Besides, with the princesses you only see them posing for pictures and not at school." How she has sucked up every stereotype about Disney princesses is amazing given the culture we live in. The images are there for sure, but not NEARLY like in the US.
SO anyway. Once we got to school that same day, her teacher said the exact same thing that I did...and with no prompting. "Oh Layla, I am sure that princeses wear pants to school!" (; bless her. She has been teaching for 10 years, mostly in Jed.dah, Sa.udi Ara.bi.a. She is from India and just as sweet and gentle as can be (=
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