Week 1

This past Monday we had the first week of our After-School Club. It was a big success overall and it was a HUGE learning experience (= If you've been following the blog for awhile or know about Arab culture, you know that they are super relaxed about certain things and very touchy about other things. This is, of course, normal for all cultures and it isn't until you are in a foreign one that you really see these things for themselves.

Here are a few comparisons:

1. Most Americans ALWAYS want to know where their kids are....almost to the point that they are basically paranoid they will all be abducted any time any place. Therefore parents will do anything they can to ensure their safety. In the Arab world where we are, there is almost zero fear of abduction so kids roam around freely. Did I ever mention the day I was walking 15 mins to the store and a little three year old girl joined me along the way? She just walked out her gate and held my hand all the way to the store. sweet.

At the After-School Club (ASC) there were two random kids who just decided to stay and hang around. No one could find their parents. Their phones were just ringing and not being answered....no one had called the school wondering where their kids were etc etc. Hmmmm. Major issue and learning curve - kids often get left at school and it is a HUGE headache.

2. Most Westerners have the view that childhood should be a learning time about the real world. One can't always have their own way, you can't just lie to get out of something, steal to take something you want etc etc.

Here children are upheld as SO PRECIOUS and so fragile that they must be catered to and coddled. In one way it is very sweet - there is a real culture of nurturing kids. The downside is that there is very little structured discipline, sleep or societal expectations for how kids should behave. Not all families have wild kids but quite a few do (= So when the AFC filled up, I had this conversation about 5 times that afternoon alone:

Mom: Hello, um, my child really wants to do TaeKwonDo. Please, you must put him in the class. All her friends are taking it.

Me: I'm so very sorry, that classed filled up right away, I have a couple of spaces in the other activities.

Mom: No, you don't understand (.....long explanation of the child's emotional state the last 2 years) She is fragile, she is crying to me all the time about this. (All the time being in the last 2 days)

Me: I'm very sorry, there really is no room. I can put her in another activity but only if you return the paper and the money first thing on Saturday morning (beginning of our week).

Mom: Listen to me. You must help me. It isn't for me I ask. It is my daughter she is sobbing all the time. And.....

Me: ( Interrupt at this point) Listen to me. If you are still asking about TaeKwonDo there is no point in talking any more. There is no space. I will not do. I cannot do it. There is no space. Don't talk about this anymore. If you want another space, I need the money and the paperwork or there will be absolutely nothing available for your daughter.

Mom: Oh, okay. Thank you. I'll turn in the paperwork and the money first thing. Thank you so much! (said in a totally normally happy voice. No more whining!)

whew. On and on and on and on. Relentless was the word going around in my head the whole afternoon on Monday!

My favorite interaction was one like this but where the son was present. The mom kept saying:

"It isn't me. I am not bothered by what he does, but he is crying and crying."

So I leaned down and said to the boy "there is no room in TaeKwonDo. Would like to do something else? Sports and Games?"

He brightly says Yes!

I stand up and say to the mother "Look! He is fine. He is not crying. It is okay now! Shall I sign him up for Sports and Games?"

She pushes him off towards the car and starts the diatribe again and I interrupt saying " I just saw your son. He is not crying. He said it is fine to do something else. Would you like to do that?"

Then she just gave me the most insulting look and walked off (= lovely.

So the lesson here is, be prepared for relentless parents who believe their kids to be very fragile. Not sure how to deal with it, but oh well! It is all a learning process.

There are about 45 kids involved in 4 activities and the instructors are STARS to deal with all the shuffling and re-shuffling of kids in and out of their rooms the first day. It is difficult and intimidating for the kids as they don't know any of us and then SO MANY have similar names! It is all first name then father's name then the tribal name. Usually Grandfather's name is needed on official stuff but at school it is just one generation back. Layla is always called Layla Thomas (=

All for now. Must nap while kids are down!

Guess who is coming to visit on THURSDAY not FRIDAY!

  Cousin Lucy - thank you for the shoes and this lovely outfit!! Layla L.O.V.E.S. the shoes even though they are too small. She wore this outfit after school today and made me sing upteen verses of "she'll be coming round the mountain when she comes". yeehaw.

 

 And I just had to include one of Ryan. He is super sweet still. Very huggable and lovey. Can't get enough of this boy!

Catching up

Whew. It has been a full-on run since January 23rd when our house helper arrived. We have a few days' breather and then my parents are coming on Friday!!! So happy. So tired.

We just had all our air conditioners cleaned. That is a time consuming and dirty job and I don't even do the cleaning! We have a footprint on our wall left by the workers who pushed against the wall to try and hoist out the air conditioner. Lovely. It is smack in the middle of a very noticeable place.

We have been hosting an inordinate number of people who are traveling around our country or just passing through. After April 10th we have a totally empty schedule but it has been a very very busy Spring. I tell people that without our house helper I would be a crying lump on the floor. I'm SOOO grateful for how well she has fit in and just figured out how to work with our family and our many guests.

She does a little of everything for us and mostly keeps things moving so that I can spend time with the kids and/or house guests and other folks. What a huge blessing to take the pressure off.

We start our after-school program this coming Monday! We have four activities offered for the kids and there is quite a bit of interest so we are glad to provide something. Hopefully it will go fairly smoothly (=

Well I am getting tired and spacey....need to shut down for the night (=

A new idea!

This is a notice I put up in the language school where Tom and I studied Arabic from 2006 through 2008:

Do you want to
get connected to
the local community
here in town?

Do have one hour a week to spare?

Two former language school students are running an after-school club at the local international school to get connected to and to serve the local community.

If you have a skill (e.g. paper folding, art, acting out stories, blowing up balloons, painting, running games for kids) or would like to work with kids in grades 1 and 2 for one hour give us a call!

Most of these kids do speak some English but you would certainly be able to practise your Arabic with them and with their parents!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I am excited about this opportunity and have a WONDERFUL partner in crime who did this in another country for 12 years and has way more experience than me. She is a great Korean lady who has taught me a lot about living overseas in a small community like ours.

I'll keep you posted....this idea was a long time in coming and we'll see how it turns out!

Read this article in the NYT by one of my cool friends!

Rachel lived in Minnesota where I first got to know her. But then she moved to the Middle East and then I moved to the Middle East. We have a friend in common who brought us together out here and we've enjoyed staying in touch. You simply MUST take a few minutes and read about her giving birth in Djibouti:

She just got published in the New York Times!

She also wrote and is selling a cookbook called Djiboutilicious. Even if I wasn't her friend I'd buy one just for the name (=

Check it out.
So proud of her!

Generosity

One thing about living internationally (especially with little ones) is that we are often at the mercy of strangers or in need of something not easily available at that moment. We just don't totally fit here and are strangers here and often don't fully understand what each situation requires. Consequently, we get to see amazing acts of generosity as people step in to help us out.

Take last night. Someone is coming to visit us and my dear mom is rushing around getting things for this friend to carry over in her suitcases. I didn't want to make mom run all over Wal-Mart looking for tom's pants or Ryan's sippy cups (tried the local brands of both for 5 years and it just isn't worth the money!!).

So I called the store myself and some dear dear lady did the running for me. Literally. She'd get back to the phone a little breathless saying "what else did you need?". So whoever you are...LaVerne, Betty, Hazel...thanks for responding to my need to save my mom from running around your store.

The incident that sticks out most in my mind was this summer on the plane. Tom has a special magic with the kids on the plane and always manages to get them to sleep. So he had done more than his fair share and was taking a nap. I was holding a fussy Ryan who was DESPERATE to walk. He wasn't quite good at it yet so he was lunging everywhere through the aisle and I could tell everyone was about as enthralled with it as I was. So I was up there at the bulkhead looking exasperated (my family knows how pathetic I am at keeping this emotion hidden) and some dear Arab man from about 6 rows back stood up and came to hold Ryan and carry him up and down the aisle. I am still feeling grateful (= and a bit ashamed but we'll focus on the grateful part.

Any mom of young kids who has lived in the middle east will tell you that the best seat mates on airplanes are Arabs and the worst are westerners. Arabs will be understanding, will hold your kids, will feed them food, take them for walks, kiss and hug them. Westerners will literally tsk tsk in disgust and turn away and throw a blanket over their head in an attempt to separate themselves. Yes. I've had both happen.

Generosity.

Tricky thing is that we see it so much because we are in need of it so much. I will say it does get a bit draining to always feel a little out of the loop but the bright side is seeing the good in so many people all over the world.

Feb Camping Trip

We had a great time camping for three nights. It was an awful first night as we got lost several times, arrived in the dark, moved our tent three hours after setting up and woke up next to a construction site (= Tom scouted out our next location and all in all, the kids were happy despite all the shuffling (= That made it all easy for Tom and to pack and repack (= bless those kids.

Enjoy the photos!

camping again!

We are excited to go camping again! We are all mostly better though I have one of those irritating, persistent coughs. We are going with JUST our little family this time (= that will be a first for us. It will be fun! I'll have pictures to post soon (=

Catching up

It is common out here when you see a local friend to have them say "Hey! Where have you been? Why haven't you been coming over or calling me? What's going on?" It typically loads heaps of guilt on us westerners though they really just do it out of routine and to show that you've been missed.

I feel the same about the blog here...and certain parts of my life. Where HAVE I been? What HAVE I been doing?!? I really don't know.

I can't believe it is February 1st!! Wow. That was a fast January. The last 10 days or so I've had 2 sick kids so that explains that. No more needs to be said. We also had a couple of days given over to assembling and painting the bunk bed and helping Ryan learn how to sleep in the bed. As much as he enjoyed being in the bed he couldn't make himself STAY there. Spending 45 in the room with him three times a day (including bedtime there) gave me a new appreciation for him as a good sleeper. I've been popping him in bed for 2 naps a day for so long and it is effortless. He has no trouble going down and enjoys hanging out and talking to himself.

Truthfully, it was Tom who really trained him.....as it was Tom who really potty trained Layla. I did a 10-day intensive with Layla and then 6 months later Tom did the really hard work of taking her faithfully and sitting and waiting waiting waiting. You know how that is if you've potty trained a little one. He has a special mixture of determination and patience that I just don't have (=

Thankfully Ryan is mostly set for sleeping in bed now. If he gets up a couple of times I just plop him in the pack and play that is kept in the mejulis and he screams for a few minutes and then I pick him up and ask if he can stay in his bed now. He solemnly nods his little head with tears on his face and goes right to bed. Neither kids likes to sleep alone (=

Layla is now on school break for two weeks. I need to get my ducks in a row with what to fill the time with if I don't want to be overwhelmed with requests for DVDs and cooking all the time (= THANKFULLY the weather is warming up so we can play and eat outside again. It was pretty darn cold for the whole month of January it seems like. Ick. It makes you glad for the suitcase of warm clothes you keep in spite of the fact that the other 11 months of the year you feel foolish for keeping a whole suitcase of such warm clothes!!

The other big happening in our lives is the arrival of our full-time house helper! It has been a much-delayed process but we are soooo grateful for being able to find someone so perfect. She was a connection through people we met in Germany this summer. I'll write more about her later, but suffice to say, I am MUCH less stressed than I've been in ages despite the two sick kids, lack of sleep at night and Tom travelling for three days (= Layla has been on 2 meds and Ryan is on 6 and cleaning the syringes alone is a huge help. Never mind that I haven't washed a dish since she arrived and that that consumed a HUGE amount of time of each day before she arrived! Anyway. We are so grateful...and the crazy thing is that even with the legally mandated salary, we are paying about the same for her each month as we did our hourly house helper! The hourly house helpers charge a "lot more" because they are paying their own rent, food, clothing etc. Anyway. More on that later.

I do have some photos and video to upload. Must get to that....

A new phase....